Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
