dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
