Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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