I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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