We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
