afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
