Farmville is her only friend.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
