I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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