Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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