You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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