I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
