do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
