Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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