I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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