It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
