Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
