You smell like stripper and shame
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
now i know why i became what i already was.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
