My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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