I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
