If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
