I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
