During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
