he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
