So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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