Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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