ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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