Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
