my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
