Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
