Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
