shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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