Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
