peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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