We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
