Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
