Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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