I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
