It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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