If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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