I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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