I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think my moral compass just broke
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