On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
