hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
