I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you win again, gameday.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
