There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
