Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
