I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
