She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
