You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
