is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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