I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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