tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
